The Beauty in a Letter to My Younger Self
I stumbled across this picture a few months ago at my uncle’s house, and immediately smiled when I saw it. While I stared at the picture, memories of my younger self filled my head and I began to think of the things and situations that could have been avoided if I had the wisdom I have now.
Dear Yej,
I’m writing this letter to you a month away from your 33rd birthday as a woman that is enjoying her journey through life and has overcome any and every obstacle/roadblock/disappointment she’s encountered. The journey to become this woman wasn’t easy; a lot of lessons were learned, some I’m still learning, but here’s a few things I want to tell you…
Let’s start from the beginning…
Ironically, as I’m calling you “Yej”, you’ll spend most of your adolescence disliking your middle name, Yejide, and obsessed with the nickname your father gave you, Angelina (Angie). But you’ll eventually fall in love with Yejide and will actually prefer for people to call you that instead of Angie, even if Mummy still calls your name 10 times in 20 minutes.
Speaking of Mummy, she’ll become your best friend. You’ll be practically enemies for most of your teenage and young adult years, but you’ll start to see a lot of her — the fighter, the lover, the giver, the thinker, the dancer, the empath — in you. You’ll also realize that you don’t know everything, matter of fact, you don’t know anything, and the advice she’s given and continues to give is priceless.
A few years after this picture was taken, during your formative years, in the height of your tomboy stage, your child-like innocence will be slowly stripped from you. But don’t fret, it wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t your parents’ fault; the fault lies with the person who caused the harm and you pray that wherever he may be, he has received the healing he needed. And, although your vision of this world will be skewed for a while, what the devil meant to break you, God will use as a catalyst for you to help young girls that have gone through similar experiences.
Yej, forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness is key to your emotional health and is more about you than the other person. But understand just because you forgive doesn’t necessarily mean you have to continue a relationship or friendship with them. People will take your kindness and your forgiving heart as a weakness, cut them off. Simple. I know that may be harsh and it may not be that simple at first, but trust when I say the older you get, the simpler it will be for you to do it.
Create boundaries and respect them. At the same time respect the boundaries people have put in place as well. I hope you understand that creating boundaries is not bad, but simply an outward manifestation of your self-esteem. Actions speak louder than words, and telling someone how to treat you or screaming for respect is a lot harder and a bit more time consuming than showing them.
Learn to say the word “No” and be able to walk away from things that are no longer serving you or good for you. Growing up, you’ll hate hearing the word no, which in turn will prevent you from saying it to others. But because of that, soon you’ll find yourself putting others before you. (that will always be a great thing, but hold on to that for the right people) Yej, trust me when I tell you, saying no without an explanation attached will give you a greater sense of peace and freedom.
Always take time for yourself and never feel guilty about it. When you feel you’re not operating at a certain level, you’ll become reclusive, and despite when others think you’re acting funny, you take that time to yourself and become a better you. There’s a popular quote circulating now that states “The real glow up was never external.”And for you it has always been internal. Continue to work on you for you.
You will fail countless times, and you’ll even give up, or let’s just say, take a break numerous times. But the thing about you Yej, is that you get up EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Resilient, strong, tenacious and stubborn are four words that your family uses to describe you. Hold on to those words, and at times when the journey gets difficult, remember everything you overcame to get to where you are. Continue to be the fighter that you are. As you get older, you will no longer be fighting physical battles (anymore..lol), your fighting spirit will be needed for the emotional and spiritual battles you’ll face.
You’ll have your heart broken a time or two. Those heartbreaks might even shake your world up, make you lose a few (and I say that word lightly) pounds, but you’ll still find the courage to love once again and you will joyfully anticipate the love you will soon encounter. Continue to be the sucker for love that you are. Welcome love, embrace it, bask in its glory, enjoy it and don’t hesitate to return it to the right man. But in the mean time, love on your family and friends as fiercely as you’ve loved in your past relationships.
Romans 8:28 will become the motto for your life’s trajectory. As you get older, your purpose takes the place of popularity, and if it isn’t the Lord’s will, then it just isn’t meant for you. What God has for you will always be for you and it will never pass you by. Understand and fully embrace the concept of God’s timing and life will be so much enjoyable.
Continue to celebrate others and cheer for your friends, old and new. It doesn’t cost you anything nor does it take away from your accomplishments. Continue to show up and support people in big or small ways. People will always remember your presence. That is something that will forever be apart of your legacy.
And Yej, finally don’t forget to CELEBRATE YOURSELF. Celebrate the big accomplishments, celebrate the small accomplishments. Celebrate the blessing of life, the blessing of health, the blessing of peace, and all the blessings that have been bestowed upon you. Live as though all your prayers have been answered and continue to stand on the Lord’s promises. And in the words of one of your favorite people, your Daddy, “[Continue to] Smile at the world, and it will indeed smile back!”
I love you Yej and remember God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. Learn to create boundaries and to let go and let God sooner than I did.
Forever in Awe,
C. Yejide
